[Taken from the book “20 PIECES OF ADVICE to my sister before MARRIAGE” By the noble Scholar Badr bin Ali Al-Utaybee]
Ibn Hibban narrated in his work Nazahti Al-Fadlaa the advice of Al-Khattaab bin Mu’laa Al-Makhzoomee to his son. At the end of his words he mentioned the following: “Know that women vary more than the fingers of your hand. So be cautious in dealing with them.”
The First Type:
1.1 The woman who is amazed with herself and belittles her husband :
Meaning she’s arrogant, and constantly looks down upon her husband, either because of his intelligence, his tribe, his wealth, his credentials etc.
1.2 If he honors her she sees it not except as a result of her virtue over him:
She does not thank him, but because of her intense arrogance, she thinks everything he does for her is because of her lofty status over him.
1.3 She shows no gratitude for his courtesy. In her eyes he always falls short
1.4 She lashes her tongue out at him like a sharp sword.
1.5 Her imprudence has removed the cover of shyness from her face: she is not shy from exposing her faults even when in front of the neighbors:
Meaning she speaks to him with a very inappropriate loud and boisterous voice, to the point that it reaches outside the home. Her manners don’t encourage her to lower her voice; rather, she raises it, and is not shy in front of the neighbors or guests.
1.6 Her husband’s face is sad , and his honor is violated with the people:
I have mentioned in different places: a woman’s behavior appears on her husband’s face, especially when guest comes over the house. So whoever is happy with the arrival of guests, providing them with the best of hospitality: delicious food and drink, a warm welcome, and the husband’s face is happy as well, then his wife is happier and more excited about her husband’s guests. On the other hand, whoever’s face is sad, the food and drink are not well prepared, the dishes are filthy, and he is lazy at honoring his guests, then know for sure that behind him is a woman who feels even more burdened by the presence of the guests.
1.7 She over burdens him with her bad etiquettes and does not tend to his worldly or religious affairs.
1.8 Nor does she uphold her duties towards him in spite of his companionship and the many children they may share;
1.9 She doesn’t recognize any good that he does.
1.10 His covering is revealed and made public. All the good that he does is buried:
She mentions his faults in front of the women, belittle him. Regardless of how much he does for her, she conceals it in front of the people, not recognizing his deeds in front of him or in front of others.
1.11 He reaches the morning dispirited and enters the evening reprimanding her :
He wakes up sad, because of the previous night that has passed with this condescending woman, and in the evening he goes to sleep in a state of quarrel, from a day of catastrophe with her.
1.12 His drink is sour. His food is rage. His children are wasted and his house is destroyed:
Meaning from her intense arrogance, she doesn’t even concern herself with the children or the belongings of the home. Her son is a wreck and the house as well, all due to her neglectfulness and lack of support and generosity.
1.13 His clothes is filthy and hair dishevel. If he laughs he is worn down:
Meaning from the intense sadness of his life, when he laughs the signs of regret and remorse appear on his face, with the feeling of failure. It is even difficult for him to speak, due to sever discouragement. We seek refuge in Allah from this state.
1.14 and if he speaks he feels sickened. His day is night; his night is misery:
Meaning his day is night, due to the problems he deals with, and his night is misery from her as well. There is no might and no power except with Allah.
1.15 She bites him like a vicious snake, and stings like a scorpion.