“No believing man should hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.” [Muslim: 1469]
The author (rahimahullah) mentions the hadeeth of Abee Hurayrah (radi Allahu ‘anhu) (that was just mentioned previously). The word al-Fark means hatred and animosity. Meaning: A believing man should not have hatred or animosity towards a believing woman like his wife for instance. He shouldn’t have aversion or detestation towards her if he sees something from her that he dislikes from manners. That is because a person must carry out justice and deal with the people with that which their situations necessitate.
Justice is to weigh between the good and the bad and examine which of the two is greater and occurs more frequent. So he gives supremacy to that which occurs more often and has the most impact. This is certainly justice.
“O you who believe! Stand out firmly for Allaah as just witnesses and let not the enmity and hatred of others make you avoid justice. Be just: that is nearer to piety, and fear Allaah. Verily, Allaah is well-aquatinted with what you do.” [Al Maa’idah: 8]
Meaning, do not let your abhorrence for them cause you to be unjust. Be just even if you hate them.
Due to this, (we see that) when the Prophet (sallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) sent ‘Abdullaah ibn Rawaahah (radi Allahu ‘anhu) to the people of Khaybar so that he could estimate the fruits of their date palms; this is because the Prophet (sallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) would do business with the people of Khaybar -after he conquered it- that they would save him the burden of (the agriculture). They would mend to the date palms, farm and so forth and they would receive half.
So the Prophet (sallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) would send people to them to get estimates of the fruits. So he (sallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) sent ‘Abdullaah ibn Rawaahah (radi Allahu ‘anhu). ‘Abdullaah (radi Allahu ‘anhu) said to them,
“Oh assembly of Jews! You are the most disgusting of the creation to me. You killed the Prophets of Allaah (‘Azza wa Jall) and you have lied upon Him. However, I will not allow my malice for you make me deal unjustly towards you. I have estimated twenty-thousand dates. So if you wish you can have them or I will keep them. They (i.e. Jews) said: With this, the heavens and the earth have been erected, i.e. with justice.”
The shaahid (point of reference) is the Messenger (sallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) commanded that a person must judge with equity and fairness. He said:
“No believing man should hate a believing woman.”
Meaning, he shouldn’t hate her due to her manners. If he dislikes a trait from her, he will be pleased with another trait.
If she behaves nasty to you once when responding to you for example, (remember) she was nice to you many times prior. She acted inappropriate one night, but she has been nice to you many other nights. She misbehaved in (her) dealing with the kids one day, but she has done tons of good and so on and so forth.
Therefore, if your wife mistreats you, don’t look at the mistreatment at the present time. Rather, look at the past and the present and then judge with equity.
And although the Prophet (sallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) mentioned this about the woman, it is applicable in other than her from those who you have transactions with or friendship with them and the likes. If (that person) mistreats you one day out of the year, don’t forget about all his good towards you all the other times and compare between the two.
So, if the good treatment outweighs the misconduct then the ruling goes to the good treatment. But if the mistreatment outweighs the goodness then look and see if he/she is deserving of pardoning, (if so) pardon him/her. And whoever pardons and reconciles then his reward is with Allaah.
If that individual isn’t worthy of pardon then take your haqq (right) and you are not at fault for doing so. However, look at the benefit.
So in summary, it is befitting for a person that he treats those who there is between him and them some kind of relationship -like his spouse, friends, business partners and so forth- with ‘adl (justice/equiy).
If he dislikes from that person something, or he mistreats you once (or twice), then look at the other good times so that you can compare between the two matters.
For indeed, this is the fairness that Allaah and His messenger have ordered with just as Allaah The Most High says:
“Verily, Allah enjoins al-‘Adl (i.e. justice and worshipping none but Allah Alone – Islaamic Monotheism) and “al-Ihsan [i.e. to be patient in performing your duties to Allah, totally for Allah’s sake and in accordance with the Sunnah (legal ways) of the Prophet, sallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam, in a perfect manner], and giving (help) to kith and kin[ (i.e. all that Allah has ordered you to give them e.g., wealth, visiting, looking after them, or any other kind of help): and forbids al-Fahshaa’ (i.e all evil deeds, e.g. illegal sexual acts, disobedience of parents, polytheism, to tell lies, to give false witness, to kill a life without right), and al-Munkar (i.e all that is prohibited by Islaamic law: polytheism of every kind, disbelief and every kind of evil deeds), and al-Baghy (i.e. all kinds of oppression), He admonishes you, that you may take heed.” [An Nahl: 90]