The Affairs in Which the Husband Does Not Obey His Wife Part 2 – Al-’Allaamah Muhammad Ibn Haadee al-Madkhalee


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Ibn Battah al-’Ukbaree(d.380H) – rahimahullaah – said,

“And that he (i.e. the husband) obeys her in her lusts and desires.” [1]

Shaykh Muhammad Ibn Haadee al-Madkhalee comments,

“Meaning, it is not permissible for the husband to obey his wife in her lusts and desires. This is because hawaa (lusts and desires) brings the downfall of a thing. Lusts and desires have been named hawaa (taken from its original linguistic usage meaning to fall down), because it causes the one upon it to tumble down into the fire, and Allaah’s refuge is sought from this. Also, the meaning here (of Ibn Battah’s words) is to obey her in everything she craves and desires.

Allaah the Mighty and Exalted said while praising His believing servants,

“And as for those who fear the standing before their Lord and they prohibit their souls from hawaa. Then the Paradise will be there abode.” [Sooratun-Naazi’aat 79:40-41]

Allaah also informed about the opposite of this in His saying,

“And as for the one who transgressed and preferred the life of this world. Then the Hellfire will be his place of abode.” [Sooratun-Naazi’aat 79:37-39]

So it is incumbent that he (i.e the husband) holds firm to (his) right of being the backbone and supporter (of his family) and that he not be weak, such that every time she asks for something he gives it to her. It is incumbent that he undertakes this affair (of manhood), acting upon the saying of Allaah,

“O you who believe, save yourselves and your families from a Fire.” [Sooratut-Tahreem 66:6]

This is the correct implementation of the being supporter and maintainer; he manages the affairs of his wife by the command of Allaah and the command of His Messenger (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam). As for him leaving her to do as she pleases in every matter, this is incorrect. This is what causes the man’s respect to diminish. It is upon him to look carefully into what she asks for, if it is permissible then he gives it to her and if it is legislated then this is something greater and he gives her this first and foremost. An example of this is that she asks to go to the mosque and there is no fitnah feared for her going; this is a right of hers and he does not prohibit her from it, even though her house is better for her. Or (for example) she asks of something permissible like maintenance and clothing, this is a right of hers. She should not place a burden on you too great for you to bear and you should not be tightfisted towards her as this is a right of hers. As for that you obey her in everything she craves and desires then this is impermissible.”

Ibn Battah – rahimahullaah – says after that,

“And whoever obeys their wife in everything that she craves and desires, she will be a cause for him being thrown upon his face in the Hellfire.”

Shaykh Muhammad Ibn Haadee – hafidhahullaah – comments,

“(The author) has done well as he did not attribute this to the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam). This is originally taken from a hadeeth attributed to the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) reported by ’Alee (radiyallaahu ’anhu) and it is a fabricated hadeeth. It was related by ad-Daylamee in his book: Musnad Firdaws. So the author has done well by not attributing this to the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam), rather he just reported it generally (without attributing it to the Prophet).

Another fabricated hadeeth carrying the same meaning has been reported upon the authority of ’Aa‘ishah (radiyallaahu ’anhaa) who said, that the Prophet (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, “Obeying the wife will cause regret,” this is also fabricated. Ibnul-Jawzee (d.597H) mentioned it in his book, al-Mawdoo’aat, that it is a fabricated hadeeth. [2]

This is because obeying the wife is not a cause of regret in every instance, however; without a doubt, to obey her in everything that she asks of is destruction for her and her guardian (walee). It has been reported in the Musnad of Imaam Ahmad (d.241H) upon the authority of Aboo Bakrah (radiyallaahu ’anhu) that when the Prophet (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) was informed that an enemy had placed a woman over their affairs. He (’alayhis-salaam) said,

“Now! The men who obey the women will be destroyed, the men who obey the women will be destroyed, the men who obey the women will be destroyed!” [3]

He said this three times.

So no doubt, obeying the woman and placing her in charge of all of her affairs and the affairs of her home, this is destruction. This is because the woman is weak and her ability to maintain and uphold is limited and her insight has deficiency. This is because she does not mix with the people outside (the home) and therefore does not know much about life experience and does not know the plots of those who plot and the deceit of those who deceive, rather this is what is known by the men. So if the man leaves his wife to do as she pleases, she will be destroyed and destroy him; thus due to him leaving her (like this) he will incur what he incurs from sin. It is incumbent that he maintains his authority over her and that authority be only in his hand, as Allaah says,

“The men are maintainers and protectors of the women because of what Allaah has preferred them (the men) over the those (i.e. the women) and because of what they spend of their wealth.” [Sooratun-Nisaa‘ 4:34]

Also I have mentioned more than once that many women today have obeyed the calls of the wicked who want to plot against them and deceive them. They also have begun to not realize the virtue of the man except because of what they spend from their money. (These wicked people) say, “Now, you do not have to spend on her because she works and has a salary. You do not have to spend on her therefore there is no virtue you have above her!”

Let’s read the beginning of the aayah again,

“The men are protectors and maintainers of the women…” [Sooratun-Nisaa‘ 4:34]

Because of what? The first reason:

“Because of Allaah preferring them (i.e. the men) over those (i.e. the women).” [Sooratun-Nisaa‘ 4:34]

So the male gender is better than the female gender; and this does not negate that you may find individuals from the women who are better than individuals from the men. However, the male gender is better.

“Because of Allaah preferring them (i.e. the men) over those (i.e. the women) and because of what they spend of their wealth.” [Sooratun-Nisaa‘ 4:34]

This is the second reason. As for the first reason, it is the original reason and it is that the male gender is better than the female gender, there is no doubt about this. This is because indeed Allaah has created the woman from the man, so he is the origin from which she has been created.

Allaah says,

“O you who believe fear Allaah who has created you from a single soul (i.e Aadam) and created from him his mate (i.e Hawaa) and then spread from those two many men and women.” [Sooratun-Nisaa‘ 4:1]

So, that which is meant from “a single soul” is Aadam, which shows the woman was created from the male. Therefore the origin of the woman comes from the man so he is better. After this reason (Allaah says),

“And that which they (i.e. the men) spend from their wealth…” [Sooratun-Nisaa‘ 4:34]

This is because the foundation is that the man spends on the woman, even if she may be wealthy, even if she had the riches of Qaaroon (i.e. whose wealth was so great just the keys of his treasures were a burden for a group of strong men)! The legislation of Islaam did not do any injustice to her as regards to this right of hers and it placed the burden of maintenance upon the husband.

“Let the person who has wealth spend from the wealth he has and whomsoever provisions have been restricted let him spend according to what Allaah has given him. Allaah does not place a burden on a soul except what is has been given. Allaah will make after hardship ease.” [Sooratut-Talaq 65:7]

So Allaah commanded the maintenance be upon the man according to his means.

Endnotes:
[1]: The following series is taken from the ninth lesson in Shaykh Muhammad Ibn Haadee’s explanation of al-Ibaanatus-Sughraa of Ibn Battah al-’Ukbaree (d.380H).
[2]: Mawdoo’: Related by Ibn ’Adiyy (1/308), al-’Uqaylee (p. 381), Ibn ’Asaakir (2/200/15). It was declared fabricated by al-Albaanee in Silsilatul-Ahaadeethid-Da’eefah (no. 794).
[3] Da’eef: Related by Ahmad in al-Musnad (no. 19942). It was declared weak by al-Albaanee in Silsilsatud-Da’eefah (no. 436).
Translation by Abu Suhayl Anwar Wright
http://sunnahpublishing.net 

About Umm Abdulazeez

"I am a Muslim who is upon the Qur'aan and the Sunnah and upon the methodology of the Salaf As-Saalih (Pious Predecessors). And that can be said in short by saying, 'I am a Salafee' " [Shaykh Al-Albaanee رحمه الله] ________ Sufyaan Ath-Thawree (rahimahullaah) said: “Indeed knowledge should only be learned for the purpose of fearing Allaah. Indeed, knowledge has been given virtue over other than it because with it Allaah is feared.” [Jaam'i Bayaan al-'Ilm wa Fadlihi by Imaam Ibn Abdil-Barr (rahimahullaah)]
This entry was posted in Brother's Section, Family Matters, Shaykh Muhammad ibn Haadi al-Madkhali, Sisters Section. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to The Affairs in Which the Husband Does Not Obey His Wife Part 2 – Al-’Allaamah Muhammad Ibn Haadee al-Madkhalee

  1. Islamicknowledgeseeker says:

    Subhannalah! I can’t believe what I just read.” Men better than women” what kind of Muslim believes this? I don’t know if It just came out that way because of translation but if he is saying what I think he means than…. Ya Allah guide him! Subhannalah this post got me really worked up!

  2. And what is wrong with the Shaykh’s (hafidhahullaah) statement? He speaks with daleel and he well explained it and i dont find anything wrong with what was written.

    wallaahu a’lam bissawaab

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